Whenever I get the chance to commute, I make it a point to look around me and get a glimpse of my “seatmates” --- how they look like, what they keep themselves busy with while the bus is in motion (wherein SMS or texting would probably be topping the list in the Philippines, followed closely by staring nowhere).

I try to do the same even when I am inside a plane, a boat or an MRT station. It’s probably my insatiable curiosity getting the best out of me.

I am amazed by the similarities and differences I have from the various types of strangers I see inside a public transportation or even outside of it for that matter. I see that we all come in various different sizes, colors and shapes. Most probably we all have different beliefs, aspirations, convictions and yes, problems!

Nevertheless, I would like to think that despite our differences, we are similar in most things, arguably in terms of emotional needs, for one. Consider this interesting article:

Do Different People Have Different Emotional Needs?

by James Kroeger

Do different people have different needs? Conventional wisdom says they do. After all, isn't it obvious that three different people could respond to the same kind of criticism in three different ways? One could be crushed by it, another could be aroused to great anger, while still another seems to be dismissively amused. Doesn’t that mean that some people have emotional needs that are less sensitive than others? Well, actually no. People may show different emotional responses to similar situations, but the reason for it is not that they have different needs. It is important for us to understand why.

One very basic reason why people have thought that different people have different emotional needs is the fact that human beings are not born with an understanding of what their needs are. We have had no choice but to guess what they are. Although it is not true that different people have different needs, it is true that different people have had different guesses about exactly what our needs are. Over time, we have been able to improve the accuracy of some of our guesses, at least when it comes to improving our understanding of what our purely biological needs are. The challenge of explaining our emotional needs has been much more difficult, primarily because people have simply not wanted to discover that they have an extremely demanding need for approval that makes them profoundly vulnerable to the slights of others.

Another big reason why observers have found it difficult to say exactly what our emotional needs are is because people will often identify specific things (experiences, situations) as “needs” that are actually only different approaches that people use in their attempts to satisfy a very fundamental need (that they all have in common). There are many different contexts and many different situations in which people hope to get their fundamental need for approval satisfied. But the goal of all of these efforts is the same: to either obtain the approval of others or to avoid the disapproval of others. One very basic reason, then, why different people seem to have different emotional needs is because we often make the mistake of identifying a particular means-to-an-end as an ultimate end, in itself.

A teenager, for example, may feel a powerful “need” to own a certain brand of stylish clothing, but it is not the clothing, itself, that she needs. The outfit she thinks she needs may have some value just-as-clothing, but the big reason why she feels such a strong desire for that particular brand is primarily because she hopes it will enable her to experience a certain emotional satisfaction that she craves. Maybe she hopes she will hear some favorable comments (approval) from her peers, or maybe she just hopes that she will be spared the pain of being perceived as an “outsider” (implicit disapproval). People are often completely unaware of the fact that the need they are actually trying to get satisfied is their fundamental emotional need for approval.

One reason why some people appear to be more needy than others is because different people have different emotional histories. Some are fortunate enough to have been born with strikingly handsome features or maybe they grew up in environments where they became quite accustomed to experiencing frequently expressed approval. When individuals are able to enjoy such conditions for a period of time they develop an expectation—a confidence—that it will continue. In contrast, those who’ve had a history of regularly experiencing disapproval will develop a different sort of expectation. They will fear the pain of disapproval because they heard it before. Both types of individuals have exactly the same need for approval. Both are equally "needy." Both can be just as easily hurt. It’s just that some individuals are accustomed to having their emotional needs regularly satisfied while others are not.

Finally, perhaps the single biggest reason why some individuals appear to be less needy to us than others is the collection of factors that enable human beings to hide their vulnerability from each other. On the receiving end, human beings seem to be easily fooled by certain kinds of performances. We tend to believe what other people show us. If someone responds to vicious criticism with a confident smile (instead of with tears or fear) we tend to interpret such a performance as an indication that the individual doesn’t have the same vulnerability that we have. But these performances can only be maintained for a limited period of time. If an emotional attack were to continue, the façade of invulnerability would eventually break down because the pain inflicted by the disapproval would simply become too overwhelming. When that happens, the only way to continue to hide one’s vulnerability is by responding with raw anger. Then, instead of seeing vulnerability, an attacker would see the opposite: a threat.

Those who have come to understand the Emotional Facts of Life recognize that anger is one of the most glaringly obvious signs of emotional vulnerability. It is a biologically programmed emotional response that is triggered by either actually experienced pain or by the mere perception of a threat of pain. If it were ever possible for an individual to become truly indifferent to disapproval, he would never respond to disapproval with anger. In fact, there would be no response at all since the individual would be utterly unaffected by it. No pain would be experienced so there would be nothing to be upset about. Noticing that someone was laughing at you would have as much meaning to you as noticing that a leaf had fallen off of a tree.

Human beings do not have the ability to create or annihilate needs. In order to possess such a power, we would have the ability to make ourselves feel some kind of pain whenever a self-given need is dissatisfied or some kind of pleasure whenever it is satisfied. Exactly how is it that we could do such a thing? Just try to make yourself need something, sometime, that you do not need. What kind of consequences would you cause yourself to suffer if the need is not fulfilled? How would you go about making yourself experience those consequences?

The ultimate truth that all of us must ultimately face is the fact that all of our needs are externally imposed on us and there is not one thing we can do to make them go away or to lessen their demands on us. We are slaves to our needs. The only option we have is to find out what they are and what we must do to get them satisfied. When it comes to our emotional need for approval, Emotional Honesty is the only answer…

Last year, I lost my bag. It contained my important personal stuff including my cellphone with all my contact numbers on it, my wallet with government and company IDs, ATM, credit cards, money ---- everything I should say. The bag itself has sentimental value to me as it was given to me by my aunt from the United States and it’s been typical of her to give branded items. This happened in the middle in a restaurant in Rockwell Power Plant while I was dining with my family.

I was certain my bag was just beside my right lap but since we’re seated in the middle part of the table, people could easily pass me by. I just realized that my bag was gone when I tried to pull out some tissue to wipe the mess out of my son’s mouth (he was aged three during this time). The restaurant’s manager later said that I was already the third victim during that month. A few weeks back, someone also lost a bag in that exact spot. The other one was far worse as she lost an entire shopping cart (the restaurant was right across a supermarket).

It’s incredible how the thief managed to steal my bag without any one member of my family noticing (to think there were five of us seated). He or she must be such a pro. But what I find more difficult to believe was how I “unaware” I was of what’s happening to me. It was probably bound to happen. Nevertheless, it was a wake up call for me that I’d better have to be where I am wherever I am. Otherwise, I would lose things --- I speak of this literally and likewise figuratively.

Dr. Fritz Perls, leading psychotherapist once said that to be present in the “here and now” is a key to awareness. This is an improvement area for me because honestly, I tend be either past-oriented or future oriented. As much as I would like to live one day at a time “today”, “several days” tend to be happening around me in just one day, so to speak. I realized that I have to make a conscious effort in the state of “here and now” most especially when I have a million reasons in my head as to why I feel I should be somewhere else right here, right now.

One afternoon, a high school teacher noted that about half of the students in her class were missing. On her desk were piles of ‘excuse slips’ from those students, each stating that he or she wasn’t feeling well. The excuse was glaringly too awkward to be true that those students found themselves in the principal’s office the following day.

This left those students no choice but to blurt out the truth about why they took the afternoon off --- or how else could they deny the sun-kissed tan colored traces that were strong hints about their itinerary? One of them happened to live in near a beach resort and the group decided to get together just before they march out of high school. While reprimanded, the principal and teacher were kind enough to let go of the matter, notwithstanding due warnings that this thing ought not to be done again.

This is a true story that happened over a decade ago (March 6, 1991 to be exact) very shortly before high school graduation. My youngest sister was among those students. Christabel was on her 4^th year in high school when she and her classmates did a one-time-big-time escape.

Looking back, Christabel says that the escape proved to be a very memorable experience among her classmates. It bonded their friendship stronger. Even today when they have their own families, the ‘gang’ makes it a point to meet --- maybe not necessarily in a resort--- but just some place where they can get together again and relieve those ‘crazy, hazy days’ of high school.

It’s just sad that one of her classmates Mark Russel already passed away due to a car crash a few years after. To think that it was he was the one who felt strongly about the sweet escape they did because that day happened to be his birthday. All the more reason why these former high school students never regret what they did.

Yesterday Once More (Carpenters)

When I was young
I’d listened to the radio
Waitin? for my favorite songs
When they played I’d sing along
It made me smile

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

(*) every sha-la-la-la

Every wo-wo-wo still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling

That they’re starting to sing’s so fine

When they get to the part
Where he’s breakin’ her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It’s yesterday once more

Lookin’ back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I’d memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away

Repeat (*)

My dad who is now based in Chicago used to tell me that in United States, owning a credit card is a necessity because people tend to judge your financial capacity by the number of credit cards you own.

While it gets easier to apply for a credit card everywhere even outside the United States, not everyone is granted a credit card. Card companies will certainly do their credit investigation checks to find out whether you deserve to be granted the card. This is why it is crucial to have a good payer status. But what if you have not attained this status for some reason?

The good news is that there are entities that can help in repairing your credit score. What’s more, they are accessible online. Creditreportingonline.com is one noteworthy example. This site generates free bureaus report showing your credit score, thus enabling you to assess your current financial eligibility status. Check your credit report and credit score now. The next time you visit the card company, you’ll be more confident about where you stand.

Bloggerwave whose aim is to be Europe’s biggest advertising media on the blog is now giving blogger opportunities to earn from blogs. When I started this blog, all I want is to write an article about all my favorite music. I never thought that someday, certain companies like Bloggerwave will give will enable us to make money out of it.

I hope readers would understand that millions of bloggers earn from blog too, so you can continue giving yourselves the best and entertaining articles which you could read, learn from and understand. Music adds color to our lives and to what I am doing. Just like Bloggerwave adds colors to bloggers’ lives.

These days, many singers are pretty much into reviving old songs. I think this suggests either or all of these: the tastes of the market are going back to the previous era, songwriters are running out of songs, the songs are proven to be timeless and singers are out to prove that they can do better.

Unfortunately, most of the vocal revivals are quite inferior compared to the original version. On the other hand, as far as the Philippine singers are concerned, few singers have made ‘deserving” or great versions. One of the reasons is that they are able to inject something new or a tinge of originality to the song.

Based on what I have happened to listen to on the radio or even youtube these days, great revivals include:

‘So In Love’ by Jose Mari Chan
‘When October Goes” by Lea Salonga
“Because’ by Nyoy Volante
“One Day in Your Life’ by Kyla